It is a hell on earth dating someone who is still stuck in their past. No matter how much you help them get over whichever mess their ex created, they will still go back to them when they come back to apologize. Regardless of how good you are to them, they still assume it could have been better with their ex. When a man or woman has still not gotten over another, they presume no one, apart from the said person, is ever good enough.
A chunk of infidelity cases in relationships today can be traced to an unresolved past. When people are so emotionally stuck with their ex, they helplessly keep going back to them. It almost becomes like an addiction. No matter how much their marriage may appear to be glorious, they may still be warming the bed of their ex and even have children with them.
Like Lot’s wife who kept looking back to her past until she turned into a pillar of salt, not getting over one’s ex gets them stuck in life. They become a pillar without any progress. They keep making life unbearable for those they are with, sometimes even openly threatening to leave for these exes.
A past which has not been gotten over is a red flag you shouldn’t take for granted. When your man or woman is yet to get over their past, you had better moved on. It doesn’t matter how many times you clean up a pig. It will still go back to the mud.
When people you are emotionally attached to are emotionally attached to someone else, they give you hints. They leave trails that lead to this person in their past. Amazingly, they pray for a second chance with them no matter how much these exes may have hurt them.
“They are always comparing you to them.”
It is hard to admit but if your spouse or spouse-to-be keeps using their ex as a yardstick in everything you do, it should draw your attention to the fact that this ex is still on their mind. When you keep falling below their expectations, don’t be surprised that when their ex passes by with a little apology, they would jump on their wagon with little care about what happens to you.
If an ex is the standard of measurement for everything that happens in your home, you should be afraid― very afraid. When people give you innumerable hints that their ex would have done or being something better, you ought to know your place in their life. You are an option.
Comparison should make us strive to be better people. However, some comparisons only break us down physically and emotionally. One of such is someone constantly comparing you to their ex!
“They speak bitterly about them.”
It’s tricky to assume that when one speaks bitterly about their ex, they hate them so much. The reality is that they don’t. The irony is that they rather feel a part of them is still stuck with these people, thus, would give them another chance at the slightest chance. Yes!
Don’t be all excited when your man or woman speaks about their ex with such hatred. Oftentimes, the passion with which they speak about them is the same passion with which they are still into them. Bitterness is a sign that people have not moved on. They are yet to let go. Watch out!
“They speak about them so sweetly.”
Bitterness is a sure sign that someone hasn’t gotten over another. Guess what. When your man or woman is also yet to get over the great memories of their past, they have still not gotten over these people. When these memories of their past still keep interfering in your relationship, it is obvious they perceive their past to be better than their now.
“They closely follow their ex on and off social media.”
When your man or woman is in constant touch with their ex, that is a sign of indecision. They are physically with you but emotionally with them. When they keep tracking the progress of their ex in life, be on the lookout because someone is yet to get over someone!
They keep telling you what he or she posted. When this ex is about to get married, they feel all worried. When they have children, they keep stalking them. Hey! Someone is yet to be gotten over!!!
“They want to do everything to spite them.”
When your fiancé or fiancée is always doing one thing or another to get the attention of their ex, it goes without saying that they still want them back… and would do everything subtle to do so. When they are making social media posts to get them jealous, it means they are the jealous ones.
When a man or woman hasn’t moved on in life, they would take the slightest opportunity to spite their past. They would want this past to regret letting go of them. They would do everything possible to jab them because their emotions are still stuck with them.
It is one hell of an emotional roller coaster to have in your life someone whose gaze is fixed on their past. A man or woman whose present is entangled with their past has no future with you. Get it!
By Kobina Ansah
Kobina Ansah is a playwright and Chief Scribe of Scribe Communications (www.scribecommltd.com), an Accra-based writing firm.